Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Nice title...arrogant much? :)

So I'm driving myself nuts trying to come up with a blog name. My first one was Single Mom in the City...but  that just didn't work...too overdone I thought...besides I'm from Chicago :) Then I thought about why I wanted to blog in the first place...I mean we've all got a story right...mine is quite honestly discovering my inner Wonder Woman or rediscovering her. When I was a kid she was my FAVORITE superhero...plus I could identify with a dark haired amazon since I am a dark haired amazon (5'11...holla to all my tall girls out there!!!) Most girls start out I believe thinking they are special and amazing, if they are fortunate enough to have great families who make them feel that way. I think its about fifth grade when girls start to lose that...they lose their innner Wonder Woman to puberity ;) I became a skinny, tall, gawky, head in the clouds, sensitive kid. I won't bore you with the trials of tween and teenhood...needless to say I survived and I'm still smiling...instead lets fast forward to  2009 cause that is where my story really starts.

In the fall of 2009 my husband of eight years and I separated. It was at that point that I started to reclaim my life. I could trash him in this blog but I won't...takes two in a marriage and besides this isn't his story :) When he left he moved into a smaller place and took what he needed...and the flat screen TV :) (I had to get one little jab in :) ) but he left a WHOLE bunch of stuff ...so I started my new life...by boxing his stuff and putting them in my basement storage. I don't know why but making the closet, all the drawers and basically our home...my home, became my first step in finding myself. Its cliche to be sure, but  who was I (oh where hast thou gone Wonder Woman)? Its not a question I had dared to ask myself in a long time. I had been so wrapped up in having very young children, working full time, keeping my family financially afloat, trying to figure out how to make my marriage work that ME was the last thing I was concerned with until ME was all I had left (on the nights my daughters would be with their father) I was numb...its the best way to describe it...not angry, sad, elated...numb.

I do remember when I felt like I was going to be ok...it was a few months later. My family was never big on Thanksgiving...Cubans don't celebrate it (if they did the pilgrims would have known better and brought una pata de puerco y arroz con frillos :) ) and my family usually ate with friends on this holiday. I assumed my girls would go with their Dad to their grandparents but I got thrown a curve ball. My ex asked me to take the girls for the Thanksgiving holiday because his parents were busy building their new home and weren't going to be able to have it at their house. His sister was going through her own divorce so what now? I remember getting on the phone with my mom and we decided to have our first annual thanksgiving so the girls wouldn't miss out on the holiday :) I love my folks so much for doing that for us. I make fun of them a whole lot...you'll see if you stick with me but I know there is nothing they wouldn't do for me and my girls. If unconditional love is in the dictionary, my parents picture is right there. At first it was just going to be me, the girls and my parents...but it became us plus my two brothers, my brother Jorge's wife (my brother Mario is a forever bachelor) and their 3 grown kids...thank goodness my sister-in-law brought over a ham :) It was one of the best thanksgivings I remember having ever. That was the night I knew I was going to be ok.

I went to therapy, redecorated my apartment, made friends, rediscovered old friends, went on a date, and then another and learned to breath...in and out and enjoy my life. After a while the years of having my head down and plowing through were gone...I was resolved to enjoy the HELL out of my life!!! One thing though while on the inside Wonder Woman was back :) She wasn't looking at me in the mirror...instead this very overweight version of me was there...not just overweight but out of shape, pasty skinned...the whole package was looking shabby. Still though the changes I needed to make on the outside didn't hit me hard until I was at my parents house one day putting together their very sophisticated new scale. I stepped on it...236.6...WHAT?!?!? that can't be right? At my heaviest I was 226...I can't be 236...let alone 236.6. I had my daughter get on it....73lbs (that was right...she had just been to the doctor for a wellness check the week before) After she left to go play in her grandparents yard I was left in the bathroom sobbing on the floor. My weight was creeping up and if I didn't do something not only was I never going to look better but at 38 my health was going to decline big time. I needed to stay alive for my kids, my family for me and if I was determined to live the best life possible then shouldn't I look and feel the best that I can? These idea were swirling in my head and I decided I was gonna go to Weight Watchers. I had done it before and lost 20lbs in my late 20s...why couldn't it work now. I wish I could say I had the foresight of making small goals as a strategy towards my ultimate weight loss but here is the truth. I was soooooo behind the 8 ball that I could only deal with my weight problem by taking it one step at a time. I couldn't think about how I needed to lose 40lbs at least...ok 60lbs. Literally I went to the first meeting, signed up and then made a plan to come to the second meeting...and that is how it went for a few months I kept going to meetings week after week...and I started losing.

It was at one of these meetings in the Summer of 2011 that my WW leader talked about exercise...now folks...exercise and me...never have mixed. I had gotten along til my 20s without it thanks to my genetics that made me appear thin. I was now so out of shape that I could only walk :) but there again a funny thing started to happen...my arms got thinner, my legs and thighs started to shrink. It was like "Oh you mean eating less and moving more actually works??? Do people know about this???" I went humming along on this high til the winter...do you know what winters are like in Chicago?!? They suck giant, sweaty, hairy, smelly balls!!! I hit a wall big time!!! In the Sandra Bullock movie "28 Days" she is told that when she gets into trouble with her addiction she needs to ask for help. Asking for help was not in my vocabulary. If I can't fix the problem myself, I can't ask for help...I can put on a brave smile but thats it...this of course is where going to therapy helped. I remember my therapist said "Liz, you need to live a more authentic life...let people in!!" So I did...reached out to my friends on Facebook and boy did they come through for me...and from there I got more support than I ever thought possible and it opened doors I would have never thought of.

So I've lost 60lbs (going for another 10lbs!!!), I am having the time of my life and I've learned there is no finish line...it just keeps going so why not blog about it cause Rediscovering Wonder Woman is never done...hence my blog title...like it? I promise my next entry won't be nearly as long :)

3 comments:

  1. Wow! You have been through so much yet you have such a great attitude! Thanks for sharing!

    I will be following you! My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. You've come a long way baby!! WTG on the weight loss!! My blog is http://thepiratemama.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow Liz you should write a book!! You have accomplished so much and you are so true to yourself. Thanks for sharing your story, I cannot wait to read more!! x

    ReplyDelete