Friday, November 2, 2012

What do you do when IT just can't be fixed!!!!

Been toying around with the idea of blogging about being divorced…I keep wanting to say…its hard, I don’t wish it on anyone (I certainly don’t!!!) but here is MY thing…My life is much better and much happier since I’ve been divorced…and why, because it was the right decision for me.

My marriage had fallen beyond repair. I blame myself for some of it but I did try. I’m not saying he didn’t…he’s not here to comment J I just know I gave up long before we even separated….I think that is what makes me sad but somewhere along the way my will to fight it out was sucked out of me.

Ok then…what do you do when you are in a marriage YOU KNOW ISN’T WORKING AND ISN’T GOING TO WORK? Well if you are like me and sooooo many other women…you suck it up and put on a brave face J Im glad I didn’t get on Facebook until my marriage was pretty much over. There is a study out there that says looking at other peoples happy facebook pics and statuses actually make us more depressed…LOL. That’s because we all suck it up and put on a brave face J Most of us are not going to put crappy pictures of ourselves on Facebook and bemoan our life for everyone including our ex-boyfriends, who we are still friends with to see…unless you are THAT person J We all have that one on Facebook…they put quotes up like how amazingly strong they are and how shitty life is OVER AND OVER AND OVER again J I’ve got that friend(s)…none of you of course J and I also have the incredibly hot friend who bemoans getting objectified by men, hated by women but constantly posts half naked pictures of herself (rolling my eyes!!!)

Here is a top ten list of things we do when surviving the death throes of marriage…how we deal when its over BUT it ain’t over (this is meant to be humorous/painful…but its ok…I’m with you, holding your hand…lets wade across the pond of shattered emotions, shall we?…don’t try these at home…if you do…TELL ME EVERTHING!!!)  :

1.       EAT LIKE SHIT – AHHHH YEAH that second bowl of KFC’s mashed potato bowl will kill the pain!!! Mashed potatoes, fried chicken nuggets, cheese, gravy, corn…its NUTRITIONAL CRACK!!! One hit and you are hooked!!! Can’t talk to your friends cause your embarrassed then EAT!!!!, can’t talk to your spouse cause you’d rather swim across the alligator/anaconda infested swamp…EAT!!!! Can’t have an affair cause its just not you and face it who’d want you while stuffing your face with this crap…EAT!!! Gain 60lbs and then the mirror will reflect just how you feel!!!!
2.       HAVE AN AFFAIR – In retrospect I should have gone this route ;) kidding, truly..but at least it wouldn’t have taken me a year to lose weight.  I have no moral high ground on this one…life is one trick bitch to manage and my glass house won’t tolerate stones. If this were a friend of mine, I’d hug her and say “Be safe, don’t get caught (if you do…my couch is available) and remind me of my alibi responsibilities J” )
3.       THROW YOURSELF INTO A HOBBY – Life at home SUCKS HAIRY BALLS…so do something that keeps you busy. I read A LOT…especially Chick Lit…it was comforting to read about others screwed up lives when mine was going down the drain. I recommend Jennifer Weiner “Good In Bed” LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her books!!!
4.       GET ANOTHER TV – UGH (ok going to flame the ex a bit here...just a bit though...he won't even feel it LOL)  my ex loved to watch “The Simpsons” and “That 70s Show”….I can still picture him on far right side of the couch, computer in hand…the thought makes me groan inwardly. GODFORBID ID WANT TO WATCH ANYTHING…cause he hated most of what I wanted to watch…I do enjoy my trash tv but not with his constant, unrelenting commentary about how these shows signal the fall of Western Civilization and I should feel bad about watching them…SHOOT ME!!!! Go into the other room ladies!!!!
5.       IT’S THE WEEKEND….SCATTER!!!! – Spending quality family time…yeah…not so much. You two can barely stand the site of each other so best to retreat. Hang out with family, friends (remember happy face…bring your probing question deflector)…do your own thing and count the days til you can figure out a solution to this mess…and if its this bad…you really better think!!!
6.       SPEND EXTRA TIME AT WORK – Coming home to a powder keg of pain sounds as much fun as having eyeball surgery with a needle and Nurse Ratched holding your hand J Stay late at work…finish that report that’s due…next month J
7.       HONE YOUR ACTING SKILLS (your children need you!!!)  - the things we do for our babies…heck, we wouldn’t even be here still if it weren’t for them. We all love our kids and only want them to have the best…even if it’s a lie. You are dying on the inside and smiling on the outside…hold back the tears when you kiss your babies and remember that they are the bright spots in this mess…btw…when the shit hits the fan and you FINALLY go your separate ways…I promise you they will be fine. If you put their needs first…it will be ok.
8.       HAVE A DRINK OR 5 – Why does everything feel better with a bottle of Pinot Noir?…ummm…because its like the KFC crack bowl…you aren’t dealing with the pain, you are numbing yourself. Why do we have alcoholics and drug addicts…for many reason but one of them I think is that LIFE IS HARD…so hard you feel yourself in despair…its like being at the bottom of a well with no ladder…I get it but guuuuurl…you are no help to anyone, least of all yourself drunk or stoned. Make yourself the ladder (EASY TO SAY FOR A TALL BEEOTCH!!!) and crawl out..NOW!!! Call me…I’ll jump in, you can stand on my shoulders and then send down a rope…or better yet…I’ll send down the rope and pull you out…remember…I have a couch J
9.       HIDE!!! Here is another “fabulous”…”I don’t want to deal with my pain” move…hide!!! Don’t see your friends, cause they’ll ask questions…don’t see your family…they’ll ask even more questions…you want the Spanish Inquistion…come talk to my mother!!! Did you know 60lbs of extra fat is like a cloak of invisibility…and a smile…even better.
10.   SCRAP THIS LIST!!!! All of the above SUCKS!!!! I’ve done most of it (9/10 J) I DOESN’T WORK!!! It’s a band-aid on a KNIFE WOUND.

Ladies, ask yourself is my marriage worth saving? Is it save-able? If you answer yes then DO IT!!! Do everything you can to save your marriage and be happy. I've seen truly happy marriages...I'm jealous yet they fill me with love and hope :) If not, if you can’t…its time to move on. I know its easy to say but I’ve done it…and it wasn’t overnight and it wasn’t after reading anyones charming blog J It took years but I did it…you can too!!! Everyday…I find something to be grateful for and happy about…no matter what!!! Call me…I’ve got rope and I am one tough BITCH J

1 comment:

  1. Great post. I'm glad you are happy now! I didn't have contact while you were going through your separation/divorce but if I were, I would let you know... I have a couch too. HUGS and thanks for being honest. Most people aren't! I have friends that have gone through divorce and they say the same thing...